Pawn Stars (get it? like porn but different)

This History Channel generally does pretty nice work.  I mean, we have all found ourselves on a hungover Saturday deeply entrenched in a JFK conspiracy marathon or something of the sorts.  Am I wrong, no?  The good folks at the HC realllly hit it out of the park with their original series, 'Pawn Stars.'  A reality show that cronicles the daily activities at the Gold & Silver Pawn Shop a 24-hour family business operated by patriarch Richard Harrison, his son Rick Harrison (who opened the shop with his father in 1988), and Rick's son Corey, who has worked there since childhood, and who is being groomed to one day take over the shop (a classic rip from Wiki, yes).

There are many reasons why I enjoy this show so much, but I'll just lay out a few for you right here...

1)  The Rip Off

Most of the deals which they show on the program are negotiated by Rick.  Rick is a relentless negoatiator.  He always gets his deal and he always gets it for cheaper than what the seller wants....always.  I love how they always do a little pre-deal interview with the seller and they tell the camera how much money they want for their items.  It's laughable to see these jamokes walk away with a fistful of quarters when just moments ago they had visions of wiping their asses with twenty dollar bills.

2) The Experts

Now my boys at the shop are smart, but they don't know everything.  A lot of times they will call in an expert to to appraise the pieces before they are prepared to make an offer to the seller.  Rick will look at an item and say, "I know a guy who is an expert in....said item."  Now it has become abundantly clear to me that they keep these guys on retainer and they are trained to lowball the prices (of course this is a lead in to the rip off).  But I just love how these foot soldiers show up from their jobs at the local museums with bags of magnifying glasses and tout their expertise.  Although I will say I am jealous of anyone who gets to use a magnifying glass in their everyday job.  The best expert I ever saw was a magician they brought in to look at some Houdini handcuffs.  Seriously, would you trust this guy to appraise the monetary value of history?

3) The Old Man

Talk about a salty crusty old guy.  Here's the thing...he's only like 68 years old but he looks like he is 96.  I can't blame him though.  Here is a snippet from his bio; "after serving in the U.S. Navy and losing a million dollars in the real estate market, Richard Harrison uprooted his family and moved to Las Vegas in pursuit of a fresh start."  Who moves their family to Las Vegas for a fresh start?!  Pretty sure if my old man moved us to Las Vegas after losing the nest egg in a sour real estate deal my mom would have chopped his noots off.  Lucky for us, though, the droopy eyed old man hit it big in the pawn world.  

 P.S. Does the Old Man not look like Droopy or what?

Restaurant Review - The John Dory

The John Dory Oyster Bar is inside of the Ace Hotel and like everything else at the Ace Hotel it is trendy and seemingly always full. But after a late evening out I thought nothing could beat raw bar for lunch and found myself in a fairly empty John Dory early this afternoon.

Parsley and Anchovy Toast

This was like a very oily, salty, pesto on toast and was good for a few bites but not something you'd be able to eat a lot of.

Oysters

We sampled a couple oysters from each coast and all were very fresh and enjoyable. I am not an oyster aficionado so for me they are either good or gross. These were the former.

Iced Tea

Unsweetened iced tea with a wedge of lemon. I love a good iced tea and this is what I want when I order them. So many places use flavored iced tea and its just terrible. I hate being surprised by a potpourri flavored beverage and was glad this wasn't the case at the John Dory.

Oyster Pan Roast

Not what I expected but that's not a bad thing. It's like a cup of oyster chowder or bisque and comes with uni on toast. This was my first time trying uni (sea urchin) and I could definitely acquire a taste for it but today it grossed me out a little. Just a little too much of a briny flavor, I guess. The actual soup was insanely good, maybe the best fish soup I've ever had. Just fantastic.

The John Dory Oyster Bar

1196 Broadway (in the Ace Hotel)

http://thejohndory.com

Pretty much my go to

I came across this little gem the other day.  After viewing this clip I'm pretty sure of two things: 1) Honey badgers are my go to; 2) If the narrator in this clip was ever my biology teacher I would have gotten straight A's and eventually would have become a scientist.

Have you ever heard anyone speak so passionately or knowledgeably about a subject?  It is quite clear that this man has spent the greater portion of his life studying the habits of honey badgers.  Please sit back and enjoy....

 

It's beginning to look a lot like....

Wedding season.

The STDs are rolling in (that's Save The Dates for those of you sickos with your minds in the gutter).  The fridge in our apartment is heavily decorated with this announcements of love.  This excites me very much for there mere fact that weddings provide us white guys with an excuse to hit the dance floor.  Everybody knows that the 3 keys to a good wedding are 1) open bar, 2) good band, 3) multiple dance offs.  I love the wedding dance scene.  You show up at the reception pop a few shrimp and brewskis and hit the hardwood.

I am a little nervous this year because I let my dancin' skillz get a little rusty.  I only saw one wedding last year so I need to dust off the cobwebs.  In order to do this I will be flying to Norway to meet up with this little guy.  Can you imagine dropping these moves on the bride's single lady friends?!  They stand no chance.  Thanks for coming out.

I'd prefer to pay full price....

Much like thousands of our readers, I receive daily emails from Groupon informing me of unbeatable deals in my area.  More often than not I simply glance at the potential deal and accompanying savings and decide  that I am not interested.  I won't lie, I am often tempted to pull the trigger, but I never really do.  Though, these daily emails have helped me to learn that there are about 600,000 places in NYC willing to sell cupcakes at extremely discounted prices.  But I received a daily Groupon email recently which I decided was an absolute no-go.  Some place just outside the city was slinging 50% off skydiving adventures.  Thanks but no thanks.  I think I would rather pay full price for that one.

So I get to thinking; what else do I not want at discount prices?  Well, another example which is often forced upon the typical New Yorker is sushi.  I DO NOT want discount sushi.  The money you save on your cheapo spicy tuna rolls will 100% be spent on extra rolls of toilet paper after you come down with a violent case of the BTUs (Butt Throw Ups).  It's just not worth it.  

How about condoms?  Full price please.  Have you ever seen a clearance sale for love gloves at the local pharmacy?  Me neither, but if I did I would not be enticed.  One day your are saving 5 bucks on a 12-pack of Trojan ribbed and the next day your spending $20 bucks on penicillin to rid yourself of those pesky little love bumps.  Or more extreme, you just saved $5 to become a daddy.  Yikes!  College is like $250,000 these days.  In the words of Tony Soprano, "fuggedaboutit."

Is this guy my hero or does he disgust me? (He's my hero)

...American sumo wrestler Kelly Gneiting has proved his critics wrong and has broken the Guinness World Record for Heaviest Person to Complete a Marathon...
Full Article


I know this article is a day old here but I could not let it go without a few comments.  I'll be honest, when I first read this I hated this guy.  He gets a Guinness World Record (something I have always wanted, obviously) for being lazy.  Right?  He basically walked his fatness around for 9 hours and now he is in the record books.


What really set me off here is that this guy was 190 lbs in high school and 200 in college.  He didn't even attain/maintain his freshman 15.  And 200 lbs is not fat.  Say he is your average 5'10" 200lbs.  Sure he might be a little soft around the edges but he is a few short weeks in the gym from a solid 185.  But our man, Kelly, takes this one in the complete opposite direction.  HE BECAME A SUMO WRESTLER!  He said, "forget this, I'm not losing no 15 pounds.  I'm going to become a professional fatty."  I was disgusted.  What a lazy POS.


Anyway, I kept reading and our hero here really turned my opinion with one simple quote..."‘I married my wife at 205 pounds,’ he said, eating a fried chicken sandwich, a mushroom cheeseburger and a massive portion of French fries. ‘Suddenly, jeez, I didn't need to attract anyone. I just kind of let myself go,’ he added."  BRILLIANT!

That's it.  All you have to do is get married and then you can do whatever you want.  When I get married I am just going to let it all go.  No bathing, no shaving, no exercise.  Having a wedding band gives you carte blanche to slob around.  Done and done.  Where do I sign?

But seriously, that's a joke.  This guy needs to get his act together.  And there is no way his doctor actually tells him he is in good health.

Why is Duke Always So Good?

Duke is considered to be one of the elite basketball programs in NCAA history. They are the fourth-winningest basketball team in Division I history and have won four national championships under Coach K. They have the pick of the litter in each years recruiting classes and never seem to have a down year. I hate Duke. This hatred has me asking the question, how is Duke always so good? Is it Coach K? Is it the Cameron Crazies? Is it the allure of the Duke program? These factors contribute for sure, but the biggest reason why Duke is successful? They consistently manage to put the ugliest players on the court, players that strike fear and general disgust in their opposition. Please allow me to elaborate.......

Carlos Boozer - Yowza!

Kyle Singler - Yuck!

Sheldon Williams..... Gross

Can you imagine lining up against one of these guys?